Day's Darkness

One of the few things I like about having this "secret blog" is that my two sons do not know about it. I can come here and write about them without them knowing it. You may ask, "Why is that important to you, Johnny D?"

Because, there are some things that I just need to get off my chest. They do not need to know everything that I am thinking.

My youngest son is 19. He shows all the hallmarks of a young man trying to find himself. About six months ago it was the Marines. Well, he's had some orthodontic work done, and one result of that work is some metal in his jaw. The Marines required a waiver for that work. My son duly applied and sent in all the required information. No response. I'm not surprised, because as I saw on the news just yesterday - all of the U.S. military branches have exceeded their recruiting goals. Of course they have - the economy is all but destroyed - unless you're a state or federal employee.

Anyhow, as I said, he shows all the signs of a young man trying to find his place in the world. I want to help him, and I told him as much last evening. I said, "Son, you were going to college and didn't like your course of study. Then you tried to get into the Marines. Have you heard anything more from them?"

His reply, "No."

Me, "Are you sure, or are you just embarrassed to say they rejected you because of your dental work?"

Him, "No, Dad, I honestly have not heard one way or the other."

Me, "OK. Well, now you're talking about making Publix a career. What is that all about."

Him, "Well, I work there now, so I just thought...

Me, "Look, I want you to know that no matter what you end up doing, your mother and I are proud of you. You're a fine young man, and you give us no real trouble. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, son. I know you're 19 now, and you're wanting to find your place in the world, but sometimes it just takes some folks a bit longer. Sure, your mom and I wish you were all fired-up about going to college and scoring some great grades, but we understand where you're coming from. I have always told you that as long as you stay out of trouble, you can stay here at home as long as you like - and I meant that. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, son. Take as much time as you need."

He thanked me, and said, "I love you, Dad." You know how I replied, "I love you too, son." Those four words he said to me are the best. They really make my day. Yet, I walked away feeling like there was something else I could have said - some thought I could have voiced that would have made him feel better about his place in the world.

As I reflected upon our conversation, I silently cried to myself. There was nothing else left for me to do. I realized, deep in my heart, that I wanted to make the world all good for him, and the deepest part of that realization was that I could not. Ultimately, no man can do anything but his best, and then things must just work out the way they are going to work out.

I have to let him go to the world, but I must tell you - I hate the world we have created for him. It is full of liars, haters, cheaters, rapists, war-mongers, thieves, adulterers, rapists, murderers, and other unsavory characters that care only for themselves and their immediate gratification.

My son is a good young man, and he will have to sacrifice so much to have a better world. It shouldn't be him making the sacrifice. It should be me.